Polish Masturbator Suffers Vision Loss

[terri]

Rafal Ciesielski, Polish Man Who Masturbated In Car, Now Has Severe Vision Problems
Posted: 09/27/2012 2:06 pm EDT Updated: 09/28/2012 9:35 am EDT

Looks like your grandma might have been right after all.
A Polish man who was caught masturbating in his car with women's stockings on his head, now is suffering from severe vision loss, according to his lawyer.
Rafal Ciesielski was convicted of outraging public decency in a court in Lincolnshire. The case was closed last month, but Spalding Today just reported on the perplexing revelations made in court.
The paper simply refers to Ciesielski's crime as a "solo sex act." However, Nerys McGarry, spokesperson for the Lincolnshire Police, confirmed in an email to The Huffington Post that the infraction was masturbating in public --- and in the middle of the day, no less.
“He was substantially under the influence of alcohol," Ciesielski's lawyer, Rachel Stevens, said. "He wonders whether someone spiked his drinks – this actually happened in the middle of the day and the last thing he could remember the night before was being in a club."
Stevens also said her client's vision has deteriorated significantly since Aug. 12, when he was arrested for doing the deed with himself.
She said it's gotten so bad that he can no longer drive or operate the fork lift at his work.
This bizarre coincidence plays right into the urban myth that masturbation leads to blindness.
Writing for Psych Central, Dr. Michael Ashworth insists those rumors have been "debunked many times."
"If you are someone who masturbates, finds it pleasurable and wants to continue, pay no attention to TV show jokes about it causing blindness, or rumors of other terrible things that it can bring on," Ashworth writes.


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I KNEW IT!

[Kid Lester]

Dr. Michael Ashworth insists those rumors have been "debunked many times."
"If you are someone who masturbates, finds it pleasurable and wants to continue, pay no attention to TV show jokes about it causing blindness, or rumors of other terrible things that it can bring on," Ashworth writes.

Sure thing, Dr. Spanksalot

[Josef]

The next thing you know, he'll start growing hair on his palms

[EpicWin]

[Joe Walther]

Well DO TELL, Dr. Michael Ashworth! And just how in the hell do YOU know all of this? Obviously you’ve never heard of statistical errors resulting from too many assumptions based on false pattern recognition. You’d better be tickled pink that it’s not a statistical felony; otherwise you’d be in the big house with a cellmate named Ramrod learning all about the “joys” of anal sex!

I’ll have you know that MY research has found the opposite to be true: that wanki… I mean masturbation does, indeed, cause blindness. And I’ll also have you know that my scientific research career started well before yours did.

The first eight years of my educational journey was in the bowels of an old time Catholic elementary school under the tutelage of NUNS: the Sisters of Perpetual Pain, to be specific.

And I assure you; these women—I’m pretty sure they were women, most of them anyway—were experts on both the deleterious physical side effects AND the ETERNAL punishment awaiting ALL boys who might be tempted to polish the purple helmet from time-to-time.

Of course they NEVER said anything about the GIRLS doing it; but this was probably because the girls didn’t have purple helmets to polish—although a few of the boys always wondered about Anastasia Dwieb.

“Don’t touch yourself down there;” they would tell us. “First you’ll go blind and then you’ll go to hell;” they were always quick to add. It was so bad that no self-respecting boy beyond 4^th grade would even admit he had a vision problem, let alone wear glasses.

I’m 73-years old and NOW have to wear glasses. Oh WHY did I not listen? And while I have no idea where it’s coming from, seemingly out of nowhere as I try to fall asleep at night, I occasionally feel whiffs of heat. Could this be hell getting closer?

And this brings up some additional questions about why those nuns never assumed the girls were… you know.

Most of those nuns back in grammar school ended up wearing glasses by the time they reached THIRTY! And, just two weeks ago, I ran into a female classmate from those days. She was wearing glasses with thick lenses. In fact, my first thought was “She’s no more than one step removed from dark glasses, a dog, and a cane.”

Coincidence? I SERIOUSLY doubt it!

[Bellicose]

Wait Joe so your saying that since I only need my glasses at night while driving, that I should of stopped uh "waxing the carrot" driving at night a long time ago? Ugh so wish I would of known that......

[Curly]

I should be blind by now.