Parents Keep 12-yo Son's Terminal Cancer a Secret from Him so He Can "Live Normally"

[childOfLacroix]

The parents of a 12-year-old boy made the heartbreaking decision not to tell their son he was dying so he could live the remainder of his life normally.

Adam Lewis was diagnosed with a brain tumour in April last year after an eight-hour biopsy.When his family were told that the diagnosis was terminal about six weeks later, his parents Kevin Lewis and Kim Horner opted not to tell Adam so he could carry on living a normal, happy life for as long as possible....

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/ar...#ixzz21ZMBmvnW

I absolutely do not believe in leaving patients in the dark, unless the patient has requested to be left in the dark; some people actually do request this. However, this patient was a minor. Even though I do not agree with his parents' choice at all, it was their choice to make, not mine. It falls under the category of "private family matter" that no one else should have a say in.

What would you do? If your child had a terminal

diagnosis, would you tell them about it? Would you, yourself, wish to be told if you were terminal?

My personal feelings, upon examination, are not logical. On one hand, I would not want a terminal diagnosis kept from me. On the other, I eschew mammograms and other cancer screenings because, since I'm uninsured, even if I have a tumor, there's not a damned thing I could do about it anyway, and I'd rather live in happy oblivion until the day the cancer kills me...or until I die of something else before it does, which could happen. It's not unheard of for autopsies of people who die of other causes to turn up cancer that the deceased didn't know existed; something else simply took them down first.

I suppose my own conflicting views illustrate how difficult a situation this was for the family, and why how to handle it was, rightfully, their decision alone.

[longnecker]

I completely agree with the parents...I would say they are strong people. I don't know that i could hide my feelings if I was told my 12 y.o. was going to die.

[Jessica]

I agree that it's their family and their business.

I can't say that I would do the same in my situation. A four year old? Sure. A twelve year old? Nope. I mean, the kid had an eight hour biopsy on his brain - he knows that something was wrong. I would be honest with him, but I would tell him that I was optimistic and that from time to time these things are incorrect. Then I would give him the option to fight his hardest or live his life the way he wanted.

[Mark]

I pray to a higher power every day that I am NEVER put into the situation that these parents were put into. I am not about to second guess and play armchair quarterback to them.

But, being a 30+ adult and I had terminal anything, I would want to know.

[childOfLacroix]

My husband made a good point. All of us are adults, and so given a terminal diagnosis, we could choose to live the time we have left differently. We could also make reasonably educated decisions as to which treatments we wanted to go forward with and not go forward with, and if/when we would like treatment to cease and enter hospice.

This boy, however, was 12. He wasn't making treatment decisions; he didn't have the capacity to do that. A child also doesn't have the autonomy an adult does. They can't really live their life any differently than they did pre-diagnosis. With that in mind, would it really have changed things for this kid had he been told he was dying? Definitely something to think about.

He might have known, anyway. He might have figured it out, but decided to play along with his family for their sake. My husband's grandfather was not told he had terminal colon cancer; this was back in the early 80's, when it was still common to lie to terminal patients. He figured it out on his own. He told my husband not to inform the rest of the family that he knew, because, he said, it seemed better for them to not know that he knew.

[Mark]

off topic but i always thought childof was a guy

[Grin]

off topic but i always thought childof was a guy

Try to keep up G.L.

I wouldn't dream of second guessing the family either.

[Josef]

I pray to a higher power every day that I am NEVER put into the situation that these parents were put into. I am not about to second guess and play armchair quarterback to them.

But, being a 30+ adult and I had terminal anything, I would want to know.

I agree GL, I would definitely want to know if I was terminal. How else would I get to complete my bucket list in time?

[max1]

Our oldest was diagnosed with Langerhans cell histiocytosis, at the time a biopsy was the way to see what was going on. After the second biopsy and some time at CHOP among other tests and Dr. visits he knew something was going on, and I remember him asking me if he was going to die. So he knew at nine years old that something bad was going on. He has since been completely free of the disease and lives a normal life. I wouldn't want any parent or child to have to deal with this.




http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Langerh..._histiocytosis

[wendy]

Just out of curiousity Max, what was your answer when he asked you if he was going to die? And if the diagnosis had not been positive, what do you think you would have said? I'm sitting here trying to picture myself in that situation and I'm not sure what I would say, but I am confidenet that my face would say it all. I give these parents credit. For whatever reason, they felt that it was best for their child not to know AND they had the strength to put their emotions on hold for the good of their child.

My personal thought is that it depends on the child. I think a persons frame of mind contributes quite a bit to life span, especially when it comes to fighting illness. If the child has a good outlook in general he/she may be able to handle the news and committ to fighting. However, if the child tends to have a 'cup half empty' look on things it may cause them to give up prematurely, allowing the disease to win right away.

[max1]

I remember distinctly what I said to him "Your not going to die, we wont let you because we love you" It was the hardest thing I ever had to say because at the time we simply didnt know.

[max1]

Trust me Wendy it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and not cry. I didn't succeed

[wendy]

Exactly! I can't imagine the strength that these two people had to hold it together for the good of their child. God bless them, I know i couldn't do it. They did what they felt was the best thing and it's obvious they loved their child enough to put their own grief on the back-burner so their son could enjoy the time he had left.