I was in the store, minding my own business when this baby… This ugly baby nearly ruined my hole day. When I say ugly baby, I mean UGLY! Not the type of ugly that they may outgrow some day, but the type of ugly that should qualify them for some sort of social security payment.
I was at the checkout trying to look at the kid without being caught staring at them because you don’t want to get caught by the parents looking at their ugly baby. If they catch you looking at them they may ask a stupid question like “Ain’t this the cutest baby?” God is watching you and if you lie you know you’re going to hell, but you don’t want to hurt the parents feelings and start a fight either.
That little monster was trying to get my attention too. It was waving, smiling and making baby noises. I refused to play into its trap. I said to myself; “I am not going to look at you, you ugly baby, you know your ugly so stop waving at me.” That ugly kid was just trying to get under my skin so I tried to play it cool and use my foot to nudge the shopping cart the baby was in. I managed to move the cart about 1 or 2 feet before the keeper of the kid pushed the cart back into position as if to taunt me.
Well I am back at work now, still haunted by that ugly creature (I hope they don’t give it Christmas gifts). I wonder if it will reproduce?
Anyway, I am including a UGLY BABY JOKE to help me feel better.
:JOKE: I was returning from Chicago by train. And I got on the train and I just fell out in the seat there. And I noticed that the woman across from me in the aisle had her baby with her. Ugly baby. Ugly baby. For the other end of the coach comes this guy and he was very drunk and he was staring at the baby. And the woman heard him when he said to her under his breath, "Damn." And she turned to him, she said, 'what the hell are you looking at?" And the guy said, "I'm looking at that ugly baby. That's a horrible looking baby lady. Where'd you get that baby from?" And the woman said, "I don't have to take that!" And she snatched the emergency cord and the train came to a screeching halt, and the conductor came running in, now this was his moment, at this moment he represented the Pennsylvania Railroad. And he said, "what's going on here?" And the woman said, "this man just insulted me. I don't have to spend my money and ride this railroad and be insulted. I'd rather walk." And the conductor said, "calm down! Calm down! Madame there's nothing, nothing that the Pennsylvania Railroad will not do to avoid having situations such as this. Perhaps it would be more to your convience if we were to rearrange your seating let you sit somewhere else in the coach. And as a small compensation from the railroad, if you will accompany me to the dining car we are going to give you a free meal, and may be we'll find a banana for your monkey."
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