I need opinons

Decent · #1 09-26-2007, 09:30 PM

My best friend for the past 3 years is no longer willing to be friends with me.

I owed her money before I got layed off. I found out I was getting layed off, and was told I would get one last paycheck and two weeks vacation. I wound up missing two half weeks for illness and only wound up with one vacation check. I had told her she would get her money and that I would still have the equivalent of two weeks pay to last until I started drawing unemployment. I told her that before I missed the time, when I thought I would have three weeks pay. I wound up not being able to give it to her, and told her she would be the first person I paid after I started working again and it wouldnt be more than a month. She says that I didnt keep my word and now no longer wants anything to do with me.

Who is right and who is wrong here? Please dont side with me just because I'm here and she isnt. Also when I borrowed the money I was working full time and did not know I was going to be laid off, and had been making payments every week to her. I still owe her almost 300. She borrowed 500 from me last spring and paid it back on time.

Decent

witchofthedogs · #2 09-26-2007, 09:41 PM

My suggestion is that you tell her you will continue to pay her what you can (however small the amount) until it is paid and then go your separate ways.

If she can't understand your circumstances, how good of a friend is she?

Chigro · #3 09-26-2007, 09:49 PM

what BC said.

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Chigro

Rusty · #4 09-26-2007, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Decent

My best friend for the past 3 years is no longer willing to be friends with me.

I owed her money before I got layed off. I found out I was getting layed off, and was told I would get one last paycheck and two weeks vacation. I wound up missing two half weeks for illness and only wound up with one vacation check. I had told her she would get her money and that I would still have the equivalent of two weeks pay to last until I started drawing unemployment. I told her that before I missed the time, when I thought I would have three weeks pay. I wound up not being able to give it to her, and told her she would be the first person I paid after I started working again and it wouldnt be more than a month. She says that I didnt keep my word and now no longer wants anything to do with me.

Who is right and who is wrong here? Please dont side with me just because I'm here and she isnt. Also when I borrowed the money I was working full time and did not know I was going to be laid off, and had been making payments every week to her. I still owe her almost 300. She borrowed 500 from me last spring and paid it back on time.

Decent

When I lend something out (money or goods) and do not get it back "on time" I generally ask why and listen carefully to the answer. It sounds like you explained what happened to her pretty thoroughly and I also suspect that she needs her money back now (for some reason) and is possibly not telling you about it. It really doesn't matter though, you owe her money that you cannot afford to give her right now and she's willing to break a friendship over it.

I'd sit her down again and have a talk with her, repeating your payment plan and stressing that you are not trying to keep her money but delay payment until you can swing it. I'd also tell her the you hate losing her friendship but if that's what she wants, you will comply. I would follow through on the payment plan and I would tell her that you plan to pay her back whether she wants to be your friend or not. She may think on it and decide that you are too good of a friend to lose but it may take a little time.

Sorry, Decent, but you lose points for borrowing from a friend and she loses points for not giving you a little more understanding. It can work out, however, with enough communication.

Good Luck.

rstonecousley · #5 09-27-2007, 02:42 AM

Whether it's marriage or friendship, money is ALWAYS a deal-breaker. No matter how good you think the friendship is or how good the marriage is, money is the one thing that has the power to tear it all to pieces.

My rule is and always has been, "don't lend what you can't afford to lose." I am an ATM on expensive shoes for my friends and family. They all know that, as long as I have it, I will lend them money. And they all take advantage of that. (I have a "friend" that owes me almost $10K from a business venture he conned me into). But they also know that if I don't have it, they won't get it. So your friend is definitely wrong for lending you the money in the first place.

That being said, you do have to pay it back. Obviously this friend isn't really a friend or this issue wouldn't have come up. I can't imagine any of my true friends making a production over a loan knowing that i'm out of work! So now the question becomes, do you care about salvaging the friendship/relationship or do you want to just get this over and done with? If the friendship is worth it (and this person is a TRUE friend), then you guys should be able to sit down, talk it out, and come to an amicable solution. If, as my gut tells me, this friend isn't worth keeping, see if the two of you can arrive at a payment plan that will please both parties, pay off the debt, and move on with life and take this as a lesson - and make sure you don't EVER borrow money from a friend again.

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Rusty · #6 09-27-2007, 06:21 AM

You said that better than I, thanks, RS.

Decent, I hope everything works out so YOU'RE happy. Again, Good luck.

Kid Lester · #7 09-27-2007, 08:33 AM

Decent,

If this "friendship" is worth only $300 to your friend, then it's essentially worthless. So is basing a "friendship" on 'the principle of the thing'...especially when that 'thing' is money.

I've borrowed SUBSTANTIAL amounts of money from friends over the years. And if need be, I could do so again with no problem, aside from wounding my pride. That's because I don't owe anyone a dime. Sometimes it has taken me longer than I anticipated to repay...(a few months in some cases)...but I've never had a friend turn it into an issue. My motto: As Long As I Owe It To You, You'll Never Be Broke

You may be wrong for not fulfilling the explicit terms of a friendly loan. But your "friend" would be no friend of mine.

Curly · #8 09-27-2007, 09:23 AM

Save up the 300. Send your ex-friend the check or hand cash to them. Say goodbye.

Rusty · #9 09-27-2007, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curly

Save up the 300. Send your ex-friend the check or hand cash to them. Say goodbye.

Curly, I understand where you're coming from about this but, remember, Decent described the woman as, not only a friend, but a BEST friend. To a woman, those kind of ties run deep and are not easily broken... I'm just sayin

Curly · #10 09-27-2007, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rusty

Curly, I understand where you're coming from about this but, remember, Decent described the woman as, not only a friend, but a BEST friend. To a woman, those kind of ties run deep and are not easily broken... I'm just sayin

I understand, but to flush a freindship down the toilet for $300? You said the ties run deep for women. I believe you but evidently not for Decent's "friend". That's just my opinion.

She may have mistakenly been a best friend but not a good friend. I'm not going to lose any sleep over a $300 loan to a friend, let alone end the friendship if I don't get it back fast enough. Sure, I'll be upset with them if I don't get it back but it only means I won't be lending them money anymore.

I'd like to believe I can't put a price on my friendships, but you never know.

I need opinons

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