He Said, She Said -- Literally

Ace · #1 01-03-2008, 12:46 PM

This is one of those Dear Abby things...let's convert it to DEAR TD and hear what our panel of experts (lol) have to say:

My new boyfriend is extremely uncomfortable with any contact I have with my ex-husband, whether it's phone or e-mail, even in regard to business. I am absolutely forbidden to have even a 30-second phone call. Is his reaction appropriate, or should he stay out of my relationship with my ex-husband since it does not involve him?

I found it HERE

This guy is way too possessive. I think that the a person who feels the need to control his/her mate if showing a lack of confidence in him/herself. If you cant trust your mate then you need not be there. If your mate can't trust you then they are probably guilty of the same act...if not worse.

Well enough of my thoughts let's hear yours...

Naomi · #2 01-03-2008, 12:56 PM

I feel the same way Ace, that is just stupid. Now if this ex was abusive I could understand but other than that Not

__________________

www.photographybynaomi.net
www.cometomywindow.net
www.theadventuresoflittlecaesar.com

CrazyDoverGirl · #3 01-03-2008, 01:11 PM

If she cheated on her husband to be with him, she isn't trustworthy anyway.

__________________
Shelly

That was NOT Chicken!!

Panama Girl · #4 01-03-2008, 01:34 PM

Dear He,

Your girlfriend cheated on her ex to be with you, so you are reasonable in fearing she might cheat on you with him. She could also cheat on you with someone completely different.

Is being with her worth all those doubts and insecurities? It's your call...

Suspiciously yours,
Flabby

realluv · #5 01-03-2008, 01:38 PM

From what I see, there are usually three reasons why a current will have a problem with you contacting your ex. Either they are/have done something with their ex and they are afraid you might do the same; the ex isn't a good parent and they feel it's unnecessary; or they're afraid you haven't gotten completely over your ex. Most of my friends have an ex who they have to keep in contact with for the sake of the children. Mostly all of them have issues with the ex and it's due to one of the reasons above. What I do notice though, is if everyone is on good terms with each other, they don't usually have a problem. When it comes to kid issues, everyone is involved so that no one feels left out or starts to get insecure but you have all of the people who love the children playing an active role. Saying "the child isn't yours so you don't have a say" may be true but it's not the way to maintain a healthy relationship between everyone. That's just what I see from the people I know...

Rusty · #6 01-03-2008, 01:43 PM

If she's a known liar and a cheat, you get what you pay for by getting involved with her. If you got her by cheating with her, shame on you too. This kind of relationship is not for me.

Curly · #7 01-03-2008, 02:08 PM

Quote:

I'm uneasy with her contact with the ex because she cheated on me with him and lied about it for six months. Even after the truth came out, she couldn't be honest about simple things like saying she called him.

She cheated on you with her ex before. You should be concerned dude because she's still blowing him amoung other things. Move on and get someone you can trust.

Roogle · #8 01-03-2008, 07:42 PM

I say get drunk and spill all that stuff you are afraid to tell him. But if you truly want to make this work. You may have to bite the bullet and not talk to him. Show him that you are willing to make it work. If you have any doubts talk to him about it, or break up asap.

__________________
A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. - Thomas Jefferson

Kid Lester · #9 01-04-2008, 10:15 AM

It is quite common for separated couples to have sexual contact after the separation. Either out of habit, an attempt at reconcilliation, or just being horny for someone you had a good sexual relationship with.

The new boyfriend claims that she "cheated" on him by being with the ex husband. I can only assume that at the time it happened, they were in a mutually understood exclusive relationship. If it happened at the beginning of their relationship, then it really wasn't "cheating." But, again, we can only assume it was cheating.

If I was the new boyfriend, I could probably get past the cheating part...recognizing as I do what I stated in the opening paragraph.

But the continued lying is an absolute deal breaker.

I'm too old to worry about whether someone is cheating on me. I either trust you or I don't.

To the boyfriend:

Get the fuck out now before you have to divide a home, credit card debt, and kids with this woman, or be prepared to lie in the bed you make.

And by the way...checking someone's cell phone and emails to see if they're lying or cheating is pretty pathetic. And a Top Ten sign that your relationship is definitely fucked up.

Curly · #10 01-04-2008, 01:55 PM

Well said kid.

He Said, She Said -- Literally

The Lounge